[blml] I claim it on a double squeeze

[David Burn]

On 18/05/2008 12:12, "Hans van Staveren" <sater at xs4all.nl> wrote:

> You know the poem by David Burn, but I cannot find it anymore.
> Does anyone have a copy or a URL?

I can just about remember it.

Playing against a Belgian side
I reached a dodgy contract, where
Although to beat me hard they tried,
They hadn't any cards to spare.
Instead of merely sitting there
And waiting for all Hell to freeze,
I rose politely in my chair
And claimed it on a double squeeze.

Directors came from far and wide
Out of some dark infernal lair.
"He can't do that!" the Belgians cried,
"It's not allowed! It isn't fair!"
Bill Schoder fixed me with a glare:
"What were you doing, if you please?"
"It's quite all right - don't lose your hair -
I claimed it on a double squeeze."

They called Committees to decide
If I was mad, or took no care.
"And are you normal?" I replied
"I try to be, when I declare."
"Are you inferior?" "What! You dare
To ask me questions such as these?
The end position wasn't rare -
I claimed it on a double squeeze."

Prince, all the Laws are pure hot air
And made for sheep by chimpanzees.
But that is scarcely my affair -
I claimed it on a double squeeze.

David Burn
London, England